"Q - What is that ugly little nub on the butt end of a Sher-Wood?"
"A - ..a hockey player?"
- a warning from Toe Blake, Hall of Famer
The homework assignment was simple: Fill in the blank (use complete sentences, please) -
"When I play my best hockey, I ___________________________________________"
We saw the mainstream newspapers coverage of Co'utch Murray's latest little motivational stratagem, the first widely publicized effort since he took the team to a Calgary rink to go curling, launching the furious string of points that landed us into the postseason last spring.
Try as they might, the weak toads at the fishwrap outlets came up short when they went dumpster-diving to find out just what was said by the players on the active roster. There were hints of grumbling, and at least one missive was determined to be unreadable, not due to lack of cooperation or effort, but because none of the suits knew how to read Neanderthal.
Thanks to a mole in the US Postal service who comes to work with baby powder sprinkled liberally on his/her shirt sleeves, we were able to temporarily intercept the mailed-in responses from some of the Kings' alumni who were unceremoniously traded for .. well, we all know for what they were traded. The team that is currently 5 games under .500
Here is an expletive-deleted summary of what they wrote:
from Josh Green: "..beat your punk ass at the Staples Center."
from Rob Blake: "..play for a Stanley Cup Champion."
from Steve Reinprecht: "..play for a Stanley Cup Champion."
from Sean O'Donnell: "..play for a Stanley Cup Champion."
from Luc Robitaille: "..play for the winningest co'uch in the history of the NHL."
from Jozef Stumpel: "..play for the cheapest organization in hockey, and I don't mean the Kings"
from Glenn Murray: "..get traded for my efforts."
from Ray Ferraro: "..play for my chickens."
from Robert Lang: "..let Super Smarmio bank pucks in off my fat arse."
from Aki Berg: "..take a regular shift on the power play."
from Donald Audette: "..play for anybody other than El Lay."
from Olli Jokinen: "..play for Mike Milbury, at least compared to what you let me do."
from Steve Duschene: "..first plunk your punk-ass $4 million buyout in the bank, then go to work for Scottie, who will at least acknowledge my weaknesses and then co'utch around them."
from Kimmo Timmonen: "..play at an All-Star level despite playing with teammates who are refugees from the East German leques."
from Pavel Rosa: "..play in any country outside the Czech Republic, other than the U.S.
from Kevin Stevens: "..get in an all-night cab ride with an East St Louis assistant crack ho."
from Bobby Corkum: "..don't have Co'utch Murray making me take regular shifts on the first line."
from Steve McKenna: "..am sitting in my recliner at home, in front of the big screen, playing Electronic Arts NHL 2002."
from Stu Grimson: "..play for any team that doesn't harrass me just because I'm an NHLPA officer."